Ladies, are you feeling tired, worn out, and listless? Do you poop out at parties? If you think I'm about to try and sell you Vitameatavegimin you're wrong. No lovely readers, I have something direct to you from "Modeling with Millie" in 1964. This could very well be the answer to more needs than you ever knew you had.
I'm talking about the amazing Tummy-Slim with interlocking hands. Yes, you heard me right. For only $3.98 we'll send you a piece of rubber that comes with a pair of hands on the front. Interlocking hands! Not just some worn out hands from a guy in the shipping department. And you know what these interlocking hands will do for you? Why they'll hold your back together. Bet you didn't know you were suffering from your back separating.
And how does all of this happen? Magic I tell you. Pure magic. Doubt my words? Then take a look at our lovely model. You'll look just like her in less than 10 days. The touch of rubber never felt so good. Only $3.98. Hands never felt so good. Never feel like you're falling apart again. No expensive surgery required. Feel whole again for just $3.98! Would I lie to you? Do you think just standing up straight is the cure? Of course you'll stand up straight! You'll want to get your nose as far away as possible from our cheap stinky rubber!
(SOURCE: Modeling with Millie, February 1964)
Why not buy one for a friend? That way she won't complain about your beautiful put together look or that odd rubber smell. And just think how easy this will be to remove on a hot sultry day. You'll never need to go to the gym again once you try to take off your Tummy-Slim on a hot day. You'll get all the exercise you need! For only $3.98!!! Rush your orders in now before midnight February 1964.