250 WAY OF SERVING POTATOES

Using the book title as my title means that some poor soul will eventually find this post hoping to find potato recipes. Sorry.

On the flip side, I gathered you all weren't really hankerin' to make any of the fine cream cheese recipes I posted. Okay, then. How about potatoes as aliens?

I give you "250 Ways of Serving Potatoes." Notice the appetizing cover photo? We know what this is supposed to look like, but it somehow misses the mark. Things do get better when you get inside because somebody got the brilliant idea of printing everything in a purplish blue color instead of sticking with good old black and white. Nothing makes me hungrier than purplish blue meat and potatoes.

And, is it me or do many of these photos look like aliens? Purple People Eaters. Doesn't this look like the nursery in Alien's?

Launch pads from which they'll launch their attacks of leftover goo? Is the duck a sentry or an unwilling participant in the potatoes attempt to rule the world? We'll never know.

And honestly, I just don't want to speculate.

Finally, I give you the mother ship.

And if there are only 250 recipes in this book that means there are 115 days you're on your own. They couldn't come up with 365? I guess some of these will have to be leftovers which probably could have been a whole other series:

250 Things to Do With Potatoes That Your Neighbor Shouldn't Know About

and

A Spud by Any Other Name Never Tasted So Sweet or So Bad After Oxidation

All of this from the Culinary Arts Institute, 1941. I kid you not. Just think of the photos that were rejected.

Bon Appétit!

Headquarters of FINE CHEESE COOKERY!

I never knew that Kraft Foods was the "headquarters of fine cheese cookery." When I think of cheese and Kraft I think of those plastic slices individually wrapped in plastic or I think of Cheez Whiz, which is useful for caulking windows and bathtubs. But "fine cheese cookery?" Sorry, no. Not even close. But here we have Kraft themselves proclaiming this honor. I give you "44 Wonderful Ways to Use Philadelphia Brand Cream Cheese."

We will go from the somewhat appetizing to the ludicrous to the "surely they must be kidding?!"

The cover starts off safe enough. The pie looks edible. The color photography and reproduction isn't horrific. I have no idea when this booklet was published. No date is given, but looking at some of the recipes and how truly truly weird they are you can bet it's 1950s to '60s. I'm imagining a lot of these recipes were served at women's club meetings and smart dinner parties. I do know the tomato aspic looks familiar from a luncheon I was dragged to. Alas, you will not be subjected to the photo of the tomato aspic. It is far too pedestrian.

Do remember, you can see any of these delightful recipes larger by clicking on them.

Here, on the back cover, is where Kraft toots their own cheese horn.

Okay, now we start to get a little women's club luncheon with the tomato rose salad. The thought of putting this together makes my eyes roll into the back of my head, the thought of eating it? Well, considering some of the other recipes this one I might be able to force down, part of it.

And now we get to the "could recipes be any dumber?" When food is presented as cute or clever I want to vomit.

And now we come to the truly bizarre. I give you THE BURNING BUSH!

Imagine a bunch of drunks spotting this on the buffet table at a party or polite women at the women's club:

"Oh Marge, this is fabulous. What DO you call it?"

"The Burning Bush."

At that point every woman in the women's club was heard choking on their chipped beef cheese ball.

Ever heard of SOS? No? Served in the military on metal trays. Well, the nice way of saying it is chipped beef on toast. The other way is SOS. I'll let you find out for yourself what it means if you don't already know.

Kraft has taken SOS to a new level. Chipped beef cheese balls. Melt in your mouth, not in your hand. Oh my, and a grapefruit too. Whenever I think of grapefruit I immediately crave chipped beef and cream cheese.

THIS is the reason why I never wanted to take home economics in high school. There were women who actually got giddy over these recipes.

Send them home with SOMETHING IN THEIR STOMACHS

Looking for just the right dish to serve to guests this 4th of July? Something festive? Something colorful? Something that looks like you just threw it together the last minute? Look no further. Del Monte, Ladies Home Journal 1964, has supplied a simple recipe that would have a home economics teacher sighing. You'll send your guests home with something in their stomachs. I'm not sure how long they'll keep it down or if they'll even stay...but...perhaps if you have relatives coming that you wish would leave early....

Now, I know a lot of blogs offer recipes. Obviously this isn't the forte of my blog, but I didn't want to be left out completely. In my search through ephemera I'm often amazed, no make that stunned, by some of the recipes I find in magazines from the 50s through 70s. Earlier magazines still ran recipes where you were expected to cook, not just pour contents of cans into something. This recipe is the can pouring type. And whatever you do, don't take any shortcuts. Remember to use the garnish. The garnish is really what holds it all together. Presentation is everything. 

Click on image to see it larger...if you simply must.

My favorite book about these sort of recipes, shown in magazines and old cookbooks, is The Gallery of Regrettable Food by James Lileks. The book is hysterical. There is a link in the left column which will give you more information and reviews at Amazon.