Getting a cold? COULD BE CONSTIPATION!

Why are the constipation ads in the back of the magazine? Why aren't they on the inside cover? We're embarrassed by constipation. We're embarrassed by the opposite of constipation. Why am I talking about constipation? Because there are all these fine ads in the back of the May 1937 The American Magazine.

Now, I don't know about you, but staring at this guy just makes my old sphincter just close right up. Moving on...so to speak...

This company, Pluto Water, we've visited before. They had a lovely little gazebo. When I'm constipated my first thought is of gazebos. Okay, better gazebos than this fella. Again, I'm feelin' a little tightening going on. And I don't know why, perhaps it's the 10 year old in me, but I keep wanting to change the headline to "For Constipation Do As Doctors Do Do."

Okay, this is better. A breath of fresh air, wind blowing on my face, bathed in sunshine. Oh wait, that's the bathroom light. I've just remembered I need to take one of these before I turn out the light. And I need to run through the house telling everyone else. Well hells bells, why don't I just canvas the neighborhood? Why keep this to myself? It looks glorious!

Seriously? I mean...seriously? Honeymoon constipation? Now I know what to get that bride and groom I need to buy a gift for. I'm sure nobody else will give them this. I like to be original with my gifts.

Best of all! Dance baby, DANCE! Dance that constipation away! Nose rubs optional and will actually not help at all when trying to ummmmm...relax your...well, you know. Apparently the cure for Saturday night fever.

This was a most irregular post.

A GLASS OF LITHIUM each day ought to do it

The small marginal ads in the back of vintage magazines are usually incredibly fun. Both legit companies and hucksters used the small ads to promote their products without having to pay huge ad fees. They could bombard lots of magazines at the same time with their tiny ads.

I bring you a rather dull looking generic ad from The American Magazine in October, 1936.

Now, my first reaction is what I imagine most people would be thinking. Pluto water comes from the dwarf planet Pluto which is comprised of ice and rock. So I guess you could say it's best to have Pluto water on the rocks. (I'm sorry. Really, I am. Sometimes I just have to get these things out.)

The alternative thought, well...we just don't want to go there, do we? Pluto the dog from Disney. How many jokes were there about Pluto water after Disney introduced him in 1930?

As to the actual Pluto Water:

Pluto Water was a trademark for a strongly laxative natural water product which was very popular in the United States in the early 20th century. The water's high native content of mineral salts generally made it effective within one hour of ingestion, a fact the company played up in their promotional literature. Company advertisements stated the laxative was effective from a half hour to two hours after ingestion. The water was an extremely popular product. In 1919, it took 450 railroad cars to transport the bottler’s output.

Pluto Water was bottled at the French Lick Springs, in French Lick, Indiana, a location with natural mineral springs that was also the source of a competing product, Sprudel Water. It was advertised "America's Laxative" with the slogan "When Nature Won't, PLUTO Will". The bottle and many advertisements featured an image of the devil, while its namesake was Pluto, the Roman god of the underworld; so named because of the water's origin underground.

The active ingredient of Pluto water was listed as sodium and magnesium sulfate, which are known as natural laxatives. The water also contains a number of other minerals, most notably lithium salts. Sale of Pluto water was halted in 1971, when lithium became a controlled substance. (SOURCE: Wikipedia)

And direct from the planet Pluto where the dog Pluto hails from I give you the Pluto Water Spring gazebo. Available for small parties. Give your guests a parting gift that keeps on giving long after they're on their way home. Put the large 50 cent bottle in their gift tote. In fact, let's see if we can get the 50 cent bottles in this years Academy Awards gift bag. Just a thought.