Roller Skating is A VERY CLEAN SPORT

It's 1959 and this girl, who makes me think of Gidget, wants some Chicago Skates. Her dad is more than happy to cough up some extra cash to help her achieve her goal. I mean, she's a bit on the manipulative side. "Oh woe is me. I won't skate unless I'm wearing Chicago Skates." He falls for it. But is he aware of the old dude she calls? Her skating partner has more gray in his hair than her father!

Take a look at her expression as she calls Terry; looking over her shoulder as if she's planning something she doesnt' want dear old dad to know about.

In the end dad is fine with all of it because "skating is clean fun too!" Yeah, you wouldn't want your darling manipulator getting down and dirty. But then dad doesn't know about Terry in the loud sports coat.


Click on image to see it larger. (SOURCE: Laugh, February,1959)

Founded in 1905 by Elisha Clark Ware, and run by his sons—Ralph, Walter and Robert—the Chicago Roller Skate Company became the largest manufacturer in the roller skating industry through most of the 20th century. Their products have included both rink and outdoor roller skates, and convertible ince/roller skates. Many innovations in roller skating were introduced by this firm, such as the St Pierre detachable skate, the "Flex-i-Flote" skate, and the "Velvet Tread" wheel system. The Chicago Roller Skate Company, in addition to being a leading force in the industry, contributed greatly over the years to the popularization of roller skating.

Chicago Skates still exists, but is now owned by National Sporting Goods. I imagine there have been some tough times for this company. Kids just don't do the things we did long ago. They don't play like we played. They don't have friendships like we had. They still have clean fun, but unfortunately they live in rather dirty times.

Chicago Skates are available through Amazon. Makes me wish I didn't have such crummy knees and live off a dirt road.

Ladies, THIS IS JUST FOR YOU!

Ladies, are you feeling tired, worn out, and listless? Do you poop out at parties? If you think I'm about to try and sell you Vitameatavegimin you're wrong. No lovely readers, I have something direct to you from "Modeling with Millie" in 1964. This could very well be the answer to more needs than you ever knew you had.

I'm talking about the amazing Tummy-Slim with interlocking hands. Yes, you heard me right. For only $3.98 we'll send you a piece of rubber that comes with a pair of hands on the front. Interlocking hands! Not just some worn out hands from a guy in the shipping department. And you know what these interlocking hands will do for you? Why they'll hold your back together. Bet you didn't know you were suffering from your back separating.

And how does all of this happen? Magic I tell you. Pure magic. Doubt my words? Then take a look at our lovely model. You'll look just like her in less than 10 days. The touch of rubber never felt so good. Only $3.98. Hands never felt so good. Never feel like you're falling apart again. No expensive surgery required. Feel whole again for just $3.98! Would I lie to you? Do you think just standing up straight is the cure? Of course you'll stand up straight! You'll want to get your nose as far away as possible from our cheap stinky rubber!

(SOURCE: Modeling with Millie, February 1964)

Why not buy one for a friend? That way she won't complain about your beautiful put together look or that odd rubber smell. And just think how easy this will be to remove on a hot sultry day. You'll never need to go to the gym again once you try to take off your Tummy-Slim on a hot day. You'll get all the exercise you need! For only $3.98!!! Rush your orders in now before midnight February 1964.

I'm workin' hard here folks, YA GOTTA GIVE ME SOMETHIN'

It's getting down to the wire here at the Helen of Toy Company. We need to push product, so we've lowered our price. I know in these budget strapped times $1.98 doesn't go as far as it used to, so for one time only the Helen of Toy Company is reducing the price of one of her finest products.

Feel the need to destroy? Blow things up? Scare the buh-cheeses out of your neighbors? Or maybe just live out your fantasy of world domination? Well have I got a deal for you. For only $1.50, yes...you heard me right. For one thin paper bill and 4 bits you can be the owner of a Nuclear Naval Battle Game! Such deals don't come down the pike very often.

Click on any ship, missile, or explosion to see it larger!

For only one buck and fifty cents you'll get two complete Navies, one gray, one green. I bet some of you are thinking, "Boy, what a shame I didn't take advantage of those two previous offers. Not only would I have two working Navies, but I'd have all those Roman Soldiers plus a complete battle ready band of Yankees and Lobster Backs." Well, that's why I can't express enough to you the urgency of this offer.

Act now and you'll get 2 Aircraft Carriers. 4 Destroyers. No, make that 8 Destroyers. And we even include a Frigate? Don't know what a Frigate is? Best go ask your daddy.

Remember this offer of $1.50 is for the toys only. You don't get the water. You don't get the explosions. You don't get the outlandish mishmash of typefaces. No...you get the toys. After all that's our business here at the Helen of Toy Company.

Offer only good until midnight October 1963.

Prices slightly higher in Canada because, well...they're higher. They're closer to the North Pole.

Complete Roman Army, delivered FOR ONLY $1.98!

Yes, folks, this is the one you've been waiting for. For only $1.98 you get a complete Roman Army. 132 battling Italians all neatly delivered to your door. Sorry, no translator available. But for only $1.98 you get 4, count them 4 Generals - mounted. No, this isn't X rated. We'll let you find out what they're mounted on. You get 16 Slingers. No folks, we're not talking bartenders here, we're talking stark raving mad soldiers with rocks. Italians slinging rocks at each other. You'll get half of your army decked out in gold, the other in Navy blue. Sorry, no ships included.

Click on any soldier to see them larger!

So, if you're tired of those Yankees and Lobster backs underfoot think of how great it would be to have your own Roman Army! They fight because they can! They don't need a reason. And for only $1.98 what can be your reason for not rushing a check in the mail? (Prices slightly higher in Canada. Sorry Canada, no personal checks accepted.)

So rush...rush...rush that check in today. Offer only good the month of October 1963. We may or may not make this offer again over the coming decades, but are you willing to take that chance?

ONLY $1.98. WOW! SUCH A DEAL! HURRY! HURRY! HURRY! Be the first on your block with your own private standing army.

(Not sold in Michigan)

WHO knew?

Apparently ol' Santa was way ahead of his time and really into German engineering. Santa in a VW Beetle in 1960. Okay, I know it's not really a bug, but it is rather fascinating because the VW had not yet taken off as the car icon it became. Pretty soon VW was running great simple ads in all media that had people rethinking the size of their cars. Ol' Santa was either ahead of the curve or secretly the elves are the ones who had been working on German engineering for a very long time. Wonder what Santa drives now when he's not whipping through the skies in his sleigh? Perhaps the car designers should take a quick trip to the North Pole to see what the elves have on the drawing board for the future. 

I must say I am glad that somewhere along the line they did make a decision about where to put the steering wheel. This wheel in the center is a little too politically correct. "Don't want to offend those that drive on the right nor antagonize those that drive on the left. Let's put the wheel in the middle!" I believe that elf Deluzhin was moved to the wrapping paper department and came up with the first ever gift bag.

From 1960 Western Printing and Lithography Co.