Ladies, are you feeling tired, worn out, and listless? Do you poop out at parties? If you think I'm about to try and sell you Vitameatavegimin you're wrong. No lovely readers, I have something direct to you from "Modeling with Millie" in 1964. This could very well be the answer to more needs than you ever knew you had.
I'm talking about the amazing Tummy-Slim with interlocking hands. Yes, you heard me right. For only $3.98 we'll send you a piece of rubber that comes with a pair of hands on the front. Interlocking hands! Not just some worn out hands from a guy in the shipping department. And you know what these interlocking hands will do for you? Why they'll hold your back together. Bet you didn't know you were suffering from your back separating.
And how does all of this happen? Magic I tell you. Pure magic. Doubt my words? Then take a look at our lovely model. You'll look just like her in less than 10 days. The touch of rubber never felt so good. Only $3.98. Hands never felt so good. Never feel like you're falling apart again. No expensive surgery required. Feel whole again for just $3.98! Would I lie to you? Do you think just standing up straight is the cure? Of course you'll stand up straight! You'll want to get your nose as far away as possible from our cheap stinky rubber!
(SOURCE: Modeling with Millie, February 1964)
Why not buy one for a friend? That way she won't complain about your beautiful put together look or that odd rubber smell. And just think how easy this will be to remove on a hot sultry day. You'll never need to go to the gym again once you try to take off your Tummy-Slim on a hot day. You'll get all the exercise you need! For only $3.98!!! Rush your orders in now before midnight February 1964.
Posts
Say, this Tummy-Slim is making me feel a little faint, but before I pass out I thought I'd inquire about the status of my toy soldier order.
ReplyDeleteUmmmm...Romans or Yankees? We've had a bit of a problem here at the factory with some fraternization this weekend. The Romans brought out some vino and next thing you know the Damn Yankees were throwing down their arms and wearing togas. It's been a madhouse. We might just send you a mixed bagof drunken soldiers. How's that sound?
ReplyDeleteLOL. I'm still a bit interested in the naval armada listing to port.
ReplyDeleteSure...gasp...maybe they can cut me out of this thing.
ReplyDeleteStick around long enough and I bet she shifts to starboard.
ReplyDeleteHey, if you're up for a bunch of drunken Roman soldiers with knives running crazy over you you're a better woman than me.
ReplyDeleteWe here at Helen of Toy make no guarantee about possible misbehavior of any of our soldiers. Once they're out of the box they're your problem.
Good luck. Let us know if we should include this benefit in the advertising.
Now you know that fat has to go somewhere, right? So will it be up under your boobs, or will it be down on your thighs? LOL
ReplyDeleteMy Uncle Walter's second wife was a little on the vain side, but she was also a little bit on the round side, too. She wore a corset which slimmed out her middle parts, but had the unfortunate effect of squishing all of it down to her lap when she was seated. Apparently she never sat down on those benches so nicely provided in dressing rooms across from the full-length mirror. Egads! It was ug-ly!
Susan, Good one! I always figure it's like squeezing mud between your fingers. It's all still there, it just oozes out elsewhere.
ReplyDeleteI think we've come full circle with this one, Spanx anyone?
ReplyDeleteAnd isn't it interesting that they both involve wayward hands? It all gets very strangely kinky with these things.
ReplyDeleteYou make me laugh so much. I'll take three pairs.
ReplyDeleteThe Romans have been sighted sailing up the Ebro. I have sandwiches ready.
Three pears, got it. I'll throw in a pink grapefruit as a bonus.
ReplyDelete