The pharmaceutical companies have it all wrong! Well there's a bulletin you didn't see coming. But seriously, and that's what this piece is all about, Serious Situations. The serious situation of insomnia. It's a multi-billion dollar business and who knew we had the very cure hiding in the kitchen. Don't spend your money on Ambien® or Lunesta®. Don't go wandering around an herbal shop trying to figure out if the claims they make are true and where the heck some of that stuff in the big glass jars came from. NO! NO, I say! The answer, the oh so simple answer, has been available since at least 1934. Are you ready? It's so simple you're going to be numb for a moment when it hits you. Okay...Log Cabin Maple Syrup. Would I lie to you? Would I have evidence to show as proof? Yes to both answers.
This ad from the April 14, 1934 Saturday Evening Post is all the proof you need. And General Foods makes the claim so it's not like I'm just makin' this stuff up. It apparently worked for this gentleman, Mr. Dillingham. Was it Mrs. Van der Van's intention all along to get the geezer in the waistcoat passed out in her living room? What were her motives. We'll never know.
So I'm thinkin' perhaps it would work on kids. I doubt there are any instructions on the side of the can saying "Use on adults only." So it's bedtime, the kids are wired...I think you know where I'm goin'. Give them a couple of doses of Log Cabin Syrup and in no time they'll be sleeping little angels. Has to work. It worked on Mr. Dillingham and he looks to be a person of considerable girth. I imagine a quarter of the dose given him would work on a kid. And just think how wonderful bedtime will be from now on. No more fighting the little dears. You just get out that can of syrup and their eyes light up. Okay, their eyes bug out and stay that way as they hang off the curtains screaming like monkeys from this point on. But seriously (there's that word again denoting I couldn't possibly be lying) I don't think there will be any problems. All children should have a concentrated dose of sugar at bedtime.
There is some truth in this piece and here it comes so stay still for a moment or you'll miss it. Gluyas Williams. That's it. That's the truth. It's right there in front of you. Gluyas was famous and he did very nice work. Want to read more about Gluyas, see examples of his comic strips, book illustrations? Click on gluyaswilliams.com, a site devoted to his work.
Well, that's all the medical advice I'll be dispensing today. Drink a Coke and have a tablespoon of Log Cabin Syrup and call your doctor in the morning...for that glucose test you've been putting off.